Being Judgmental

Being Judgmental.

It’s the post, “Don’t Be Sorry, I Have No Regrets,” that I read on the good life that got me thinking about being judgmental.  I find this topic to be very complex and people to be very hypocritical when it comes to passing judgment.  I had always maintained my stance to be a neutral person until I recognized the hypocrisy of it all. I think it is human to judge.  Even people, who claim to be neutral, subconsciously judge. And that judgment is even worse because it’s like a hidden disease that is gnawing at you from inside and effecting your decisions without letting your conscious mind to make a logical decision. We are human after all; we are supposed to make logical decision, at least in theory if not in practice. Anyways, I realized that I suffered from this disease and to try and cure it, brought it out in open. Now I can either try and cure it or at least live with my decisions.

Dear friends, judgment stings equally on both sides of the table. And why should it not, when character is so easily tied to it.

In question is the habit of drinking versus non drinkers.  This debate often calls in question the character of a person, bad habits and abuse. In the post that I just mentioned, a person is angered by a tweet, “Being sober on a Saturday makes you the most judgmental person” and he responds on the lines of character or lack there of.

This tweet was a classic example of judgment from a person who drinks.  It’s not just an odd tweet; judging on the fact whether or not you drink also play a major role in business. I once heard a friend of mine say in his drunken stupor that you can never trust a man who does not drink.  Again, judgment from someone who loves his alcohol!!

For the most part, when it comes to drinking I have been on the other side of table. And from what I know of, people who drink are judged far worse than those who do not. In this post, being sober cost the write a relationship or two and I my case, drinking was a major reason of constant clashes.

What I am trying to say is that Judgment stings equally on both sides.

Being a girl and that too in a conservative country like India; you are subject to constant criticism and judgment. From family, friends and even complete strangers….!! Why??

I am not going to make this post into an argument on the side people who like to drink. But, I certainly want to discuss about the reasoning behind this judgment, sting of criticism that stems from judgment and how to deal with it.

Dear readers, do you think alcohol is evil?

I do not think alcohol is evil and that people should be judged on this basis. There are numerous instances of drunken driving and accidents, but so are cases of rash driving not involving alcohol, of dozing off at the wheel or technical/ human errors when it comes to plane crashes. There are numerous cases of drinking and rape, but the number not involving alcohol but family members, or close relatives is equally high. Alcohol is bad for health, but so is sugar.

I think were the line gets blurry is the object of judgment.  Were we should be judging excess, we judge the element. Yes, excess of alcohol is bad. No doubt about it. And so is excess of power or money for that matter. Excess of reading or working on the computer is bad for your eyes and can give you a severe back ache. Excess of sugar can give you diabetes and excess of running/jogging can cause injuries. If all these things do not invoke the question of character, why does alcohol.

Just being a non drinker does not make you a saint and drinking does not necessarily make you evil or worse…. Characterless. Similarly, alcohol can make you socially more acceptable, a hero or hip, but it does not make a non drinker a loser.

I sometimes think, if drinking was not taboo in conservative societies, it would lose half its charm. And for those of you, who come from liberal countries, if underage drinking is bad, then so is eating chocolates, candy and noodles below a certain age. It is a question of health, not character.

Dear friends, I am sure we have all judged others, one time or the other. And I am equally sure that all of us have been judged at some point of time. And it only caused more aggression, grief and hurt. I think if we could incorporate more acceptance and tolerance in our behavior, it would make this world a better place.

And I say this after judging people from one side and then crossing over to the other side and being similarly judged. This has happened with so many things in life that I do not even wish to recount. But all I can say is that each side has a story, a rationale behind it. For instance, where alcohol is taboo in Islam and other religions, some ancient cultures worshipped wine goddess.

For me alcohol is a part of fine dining and a social lubricant. You may not necessarily agree with me, but try not to dismiss it as just another bad habit of a characterless person.

If you are interested in more, read the History of Alcohol and Drinking around the World. I found it to be very well researched and through. It is not however, related to the question of judgment that I discussed in my post.

If you have judged someone or been judged because you drink or not. Share with me your stories and what you feel about judgment. Leave a comment or write to me at deeptiamitsrivastava@gmail.com